


i can't lose another life

by far2late



Series: ilomilo [8]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), BAMF Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Bird Hybrid Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Crying, Dead Toby Smith | Tubbo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Lonely Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Michael the Piglin, Orphans, Protective Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, Tragedy, radiation, radiation poisoning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:27:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/far2late/pseuds/far2late
Summary: "Ranboo would like to say that Tubbo and his relationship was everything he ever wanted and more. He wanted to be able to say that they had taken in Michael and made him a beautiful room and raised him together in a hotel that they had built with across their friend and Michael’s godfather.Instead, he was greeted with a sick platonic husband that was in bed, slowly dying from radiation poison as his best friend was trapped in a prison with no way out for almost a week. Ranboo had never expected anything like this to happen, but it seemed that he was cursed to nothing but suffering and impending doom for as long as he lived in these lands."orthe nuke test has unintended side effects. ranboo learns to cope with them
Relationships: Ranboo & Michael, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Tubbo
Series: ilomilo [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095689
Comments: 45
Kudos: 461
Collections: Chossi's fic reccomendations for the soul, Completed stories I've read, best smp stories





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is incredibly self-indulgent as are all my fics sorry

Ranboo would like to say that Tubbo and his relationship was everything he ever wanted and more. He wanted to be able to say that they had taken in Michael and made him a beautiful room and raised him together in a hotel that they had built with across their friend and Michael’s godfather. 

Instead, he was greeted with a sick platonic husband that was in bed, slowly dying from radiation poison as his best friend was trapped in a prison with no way out for almost a week. Ranboo had never expected anything like this to happen, but it seemed that he was cursed to nothing but suffering and impending doom for as long as he lived in these lands. 

The visits that he had made to Tubbo as the teen slowly got sick were some of the hardest that he ever had to make in his life. It was painful to watch someone that he knew so intimately die so suddenly, as though he didn’t have his entire life ahead of him. Even if he only had one life to spare, it was always expected to be taken in a flash of light or not at all. Sickness was never on the table, but he still slowly withered away under Ranboo’s pitiful gaze. 

The first day that they had realized something had been wrong was when they had launched the nuke the day of the proper testing, Tubbo coming back with flushed cheeks and bright eyes with Jack Manifold, who looked a bit disappointed, but still pretty happy with himself. Tubbo had thrown up a bit later, but he had reassured Ranboo that it had simply been nerves from anything, along with the fact that he and Tommy had been drinking quite a bit earlier that night as well. Ranboo hadn’t been able to do anything over his comm but tell him to be more careful, so they left it at that. 

His second indication that something had been wrong with Tubbo was when the teen had answered his call with a choked-off cough and hacked out what sounded like a lung before he had hung up and refused Ranboo’s call for about ten minutes before calling back. Ranboo had tried to confront him about it, but the teen had done nothing but deflect and ignore it and talk over him until he got the hint and continued onto their usual avenues of conversation. Ranboo was pretty sure that Tubbo was a master of deflection and denial. 

Ranboo never got his answer on whether or not Tubbo was sick or just having something of a coughing fit, but he did remember to tell the teen to be careful before he left off for the night, going to bed at dawn after a night of mining non-stop. 

( _ “Stay safe, my little nightmare,” Ranboo had said jokingly, the words holding a small bit of endearment in them that was too much for the two of them any other time. In the early mornings of dawn and the clouded skies that came with it, it seemed nothing but right. The teen had shuffled on his end of the call, Tubbo’s comm incredibly static-sounding as he did so. He heard a small noise of confirmation as he said so, smile heard through the voice call.  _

_ “Of course, Ranboo my beloved,” Tubbo joked back, a yawn punctuating the words as he said them. The two of them fell silent in the comfortable way that they usually did when they were about done with talking. Ranboo was ready to break the silence before Tubbo did instead.  _

_ “I really care about you, you know? I know the whole marriage thing was a joke but I really do want to be there for you. Through everything. Me, you, and Michael. Solid as they come.” Ranboo paused a bit at the sincerity, finding it somewhat jarring from their previous conversation. He nodded along anyway, agreeing with the teen’s words.  _

_ “The same goes for me, you know that, Tubbo. Me, you, and Michael,” He repeated back, a smile in his words. He heard Tubbo sniff a bit on his side and he hesitated on the hang-up key.  _

_ “...You sure you’re okay, Tubbo?” Ranboo questioned, mouth a little dry.  _

_ “It’s cold over here, you know how Snowchester is,” Tubbo answered, not replying directly. “It’s nearly dawn. I’m gonna sleep for a bit. See ya, Ranboo.” Before he could say anything, the teen hung up, leaving Ranboo staring at his comm blankly. The conversation barely registered in his head before he looked up, staring up at the stone in front of him. Ranboo felt strangely empty despite the pleasant evening they had.)  _

The third time he was sure something was wrong was also the time Tubbo realized he couldn’t ignore it anymore. They had been working on their hotel, something they hadn’t done in weeks. The teen had been upset about Tommy’s death for about a day before he went back to pretending that it hadn’t happened at all, dragging Ranboo out to work on it. The teen had done so reluctantly, knowing that he had to do his part to help Tubbo with coping, as strange as his methods were. It was better than listening to him ramble on the roof of the prison as though he were a madman. 

Tubbo was sitting on the scaffolding before it broke under his weight, the teen yelping weakly before he hit the ground harshly. It wasn’t that big of a fall, and Ranboo knew that. It was why he didn’t immediately go to check on Tubbo when he did fall. When the teen started coughing, however, one hand holding up what looked like all his body weight on the barely-built frame of the hotel, Ranboo rushed over, kneeling in front of him. 

He wasn’t able to hide the blood that he coughed up, though he tried to cough it into his hands and wipe it into the black pants he wore. Ranboo could see the blood seep past the tight wall of fingers that he used to cup it, and the heart-breaking look that he exchanged with Tubbo was enough to make tears blur his vision, even just for a moment. 

From there, the symptoms worsened, as though they had an excuse not to be hidden anymore. Tubbo grew dizzier as he walked until he was bed-bound. His hair would fall out in clumps and the teen started wearing hats the way he did before Ranboo had known about his horns. He had developed a fever about three weeks into his bout of sickness, coughing weakly at each movement and not even recognizing Ranboo some days that he went over to see him. 

Jack, who had been down since Tommy had passed, seemed even more upset and resigned at seeing Tubbo slowly shrivel away in bed. There was no cure for radiation poisoning, after all. Ponk had told them himself, and even if they decided not to listen to him, the healing potions did nothing but make Tubbo throw up more. The doctor had warned them that excessive use of the magical liquids would lead to more nausea than help, but Ranboo didn’t want to believe that he couldn’t save Tubbo. 

The worst part was probably that he couldn’t tell anyone about it in hopes of venting. The only one to tell who would care or that wouldn’t betray his trust was probably Jack, but he didn’t want to upset the man with his own emotions when he already seemed so upset. He was pretty sure he had seen the man wandering off by himself when he had been making Tommy’s memorial, wearing an old, weathered uniform that seemed dirty and incredibly well-worn. 

Techno was someone he absolutely could not tell about this. He had no idea how mad the man would be if he found out that he had lied about knowing Tubbo, or about how close they were, or about Michael or his involvement in everything to do with Snowchester. He had no idea whether or not the man would start to question him, or what he would do to Michael when he found out that he was about to become something of a double orphan. 

Phil was someone that he hesitated to tell, but in the end, they had no time to themselves. He was always busy with the syndicate and Techno and Niki and everything else they needed to work on, so he was someone that he couldn’t turn to either. 

  
In the end, Ranboo was forced to watch Tubbo die on his own, suit rumpled as he sat in a chair by his bed and held his bony hand and watched him wither away. The teen awoke when Tubbo squeezed his hand tightly, with far more force than Ranboo had felt in a while. He jolted where he sat, turning to look at Tubbo. The teen’s eyes were half-lidded and shiny with a harsh fever that made Ranboo’s heart squeeze in his chest. 

“Ranboo,” Tubbo breathed out, Ranboo getting out of his chair to sit at his side properly. He wanted to be face-to-face with the teen for this. It felt important but at the same time, it felt so, so wrong. 

“Yeah, Tubbo?” Ranboo asked, voice steady despite the panic that seeped into his tone. Maybe panic was the wrong word. Maybe sadness was right, or uncertainty, or one of the other million things that Tubbo made him feel that he wasn’t ready to stop feeling. 

“Please take care of Michael,” He choked out, and Ranboo felt his heart sink as he continued. “And make- make sure that he’s okay and that he reads in his- His corner and he, he, umm, he gets outside sometimes. Because Phil and Fundy were right, it’s terrible to be- be stuck inside a room forever after spending so much time outside. It sucks, it’s the worst, Ranboo-” 

  
Tubbo cut himself off with a violent cough, shaking with the force of it as Ranboo squeezed his hand gently, trying to show all the comfort in the gesture he couldn’t express with words. He didn’t think he could speak without breaking down and if he cried he wouldn’t be able to come back from the strong front he had put up for the teen. 

“I don’t want to die, Ranboo,” Tubbo whimpered, and Ranboo’s vision blurred as well, the teen’s face crumpling. “I don’t want to- I- I don’t want to leave you and- And Michael, and I- Fuck, Ranboo, Ranbooo, please stay with me, please don’t let me go to sleep, I don’t- I’m not ready to leave, I still had so much to do, I wanted- I wanted the Bee N’ Boo hotel and what are we supposed to tell the people who’re mailing in all their logos, what are we-” 

  
Ranboo swallowed back a sob as Tubbo openly cried, the sounds growing weaker and weaker as he did. Neither of the two was equipped for this, neither of them had anticipated losing the other in such a short span of time. After a few minutes, the crying turned into sniffling before it grew silent and Ranboo had built up enough of a backbone to speak. 

“I’ll deal with it,” Ranboo said thickly, speaking past the lump in his throat. “I’ll- I’ll talk to them, I’ll make sure people- I’ll try and keep it running, or tear it down, or- whatever you want, Tubbo, please tell me what to do. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.” 

He was met with silence, hand growing slack in his grip. Ranboo looked up through blurry eyes, wiping at his tears though they left angry burns on his fingers that made him want to cry more. “Tubbo?” 

Ranboo shook him a bit, squeezing the lax hand in his grip. He was met with no response, and as he stared at his face longer, he realized that the teen had closed his eyes. Ranboo’s eyes grew wide, and he shook Tubbo, harder than usual as he tried to awaken the teen. 

“Wake up, Tubbo. This isn’t funny, wake up.” Ranboo shook him again, shaking his head as he did so. He didn’t hear Jack opening the door behind him, nor the sharp intake of breath from the man. He simply continued to shake Tubbo fruitlessly as the man pulled him back. Ranboo was ready to bite his arm off before realizing he didn’t have enough energy. 

He didn’t have enough anything. He didn’t- Tubbo wasn’t- Where was Tubbo? Ranboo looked back at the bed, finding him looking as though he was sleeping peacefully. His chest wasn’t moving in a pale imitation of the breaths he needed to continue his slow descent into death by radiation poisoning. 

“Wake up, wake up, wake up, Jack, you have to- You have to wake him up, he won’t- Jack-” Ranboo cried into his chest as the man hugged him to it, ignoring the hand carding through his hair as his weak cries grew stronger. Ranboo didn’t want to fall into comfort, didn’t want to acknowledge why he was getting it in the first place. He couldn’t handle it, he couldn’t- he couldn’t- 

Ranboo screamed, loud and clear and screeching, and it still wasn’t enough to express his grief at his soulmate being  _ gone.  _

* * *

The little bundle he held in his arms shuffled as Ranboo wrapped the blanket he had around him tighter, not wanting to risk the slightest bit of cold touching the zombified skin. The teen had carefully made work to wrap Michael in a blanket burrito to make sure that he was untouched by the cold that would have infected him and led him to be sick. Ranboo didn’t think he could take it if Michael died as well. He wouldn’t be able to handle it at all, not in the slightest. 

Not to say that he wasn’t handling Tubbo and Tommy’s deaths well. He would argue that he was doing a great job. Ranboo hadn’t cried, hadn’t laughed or smiled at the funeral. He was still able to function, he took care of Michael. Ranboo made sure that the toddler had everything he needed. He didn’t even break the paintings further when he had torn them down from the piglin hybrid’s room. Ranboo didn’t think he would understand, either. 

His only saving grace was that Michael couldn’t speak and ask where Tubbo was. That was the only thing keeping him together and it was what had led him to take the toddler and going back to his home with Techno and Phil. 

Ranboo was surprised to see just how fast his care for things that had bothered him could fall away when he realized that there was so little to care for in life in the first place. So what if Techno was mad that he was raising a kid with Tubbo? Tubbo was dead. What would he do, kill him again? Piss on his grave? There was little that Techno could do now, and he didn’t care for Snowchester nearly as much as Tubbo did. 

All it did was remind him of hurt and bad memories and good memories that hurt all the same and made him wish that he had never let Tubbo slide when it came to the fucking nukes. It was easy to blame himself for never addressing the nukes, for letting him be sick over comms and never checking upon him, for not going to Ponk sooner, for not finding the right treatment, for making it worse with potions. 

  
There was so much that Ranboo could have done and so little that he did do. It was practically criminal that he had Michael now, but he would tear someone’s heart out of their chest before he would let anyone touch Michael in the state he was now. Michael was all he had left and he refused to give up the little hybrid for anything. 

As Ranboo trudged through the snow, he could see the tell-tale glow of Techno’s and Phil’s cabins, one dark while the other was light. His home was farther off than the two and right now, the distance was enough to make him want to cry. All he wanted was to sit down and rest and get help, he desperately needed help. Ranboo didn’t care, he wanted to sleep for a thousand years and keep Michael by his side, the sleeping toddler sniffing into his side. His grip tightened on him and he hurried to make his way over to Techno’s home, which had been lit up. 

What if Michael was sick? What if he was sick and he would get a fever from being out in the snow after being in the Nether all his life? What if he would be the next to grow sick and die in front of Ranboo while he could do nothing but cry? 

He quickened his pace again, walking up the stairs that led him to Techno’s home and knocking on the door with more force than he had ever dared to show with his neighbours before. Ranboo waited for a moment, growing impatient before the door swung open and he was greeted with Techno in what looked like nightwear. The hybrid opened his mouth to speak before he stopped, a frown tugging at his lips as his eyebrows furrowed. 

Ranboo was pretty sure he looked like shit. He hadn’t slept in days, he was wearing an old, torn-up cloak over his rumpled sweater. His usual suit had been abandoned in Snowchester and the bundle he held close to his chest was the only presentable part about him. His hands were shaking and his tears carved burns into his cheeks that were usually so faint that someone had to know about them to point them out. 

He pushed past Techno as he remembered Michael, panic settling in his bones as he stumbled and tracked snow into the home. Ranboo didn’t even think that Techno had it in him to reprimand the hybrid. The teen shook as he set the bundle down on the couch next to Phil, moving to kneel. The older man frowned as well, looking back to Techno before he put a hand on his shoulder hesitantly. 

“Are you alright, mate? It’s been a few days.” Ranboo paused as he tried to unwrap the toddler from the blanket bundle, looking up at Phil with dead eyes that made him want to flinch back for a minute. 

“Tubbo’s dead,” Ranboo said, voice hoarse as he did despite the monotone pitch that it was said, ignoring Techno walking up to the pair. “He’s dead and I can’t stay in Snowchester and I can’t leave Michael so I- I brought him here.” 

Ranboo looked up at Techno after that, weak and tired and sad, but his eyes held such a sudden wave of fury that the man drew back a bit at seeing the poisonous look on his face. 

“If you try to hurt him I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you both, I’ll kill you, I don’t- I don’t care, I don’t- Don’t try me, I’ll kill you, you can’t-” 

Phil cut him off, rubbing his shoulders gently as they slumped under the touch. Ranboo looked away from Techno, no fear in his eyes but his gaze turning tender and sad and upset as he stared at the sleeping toddler he had uncovered the face of.

“We won’t hurt him, mate. Okay? How about you go… go rest up. And we can talk in the morning. Yeah?” Phil asked him quietly, his words holding a hesitance in them that Ranboo didn’t detect. The teen stared at Michael’s sleeping face for a few moments before he nodded, not answering verbally. He stumbled to his feet, one hand on a bit of the loose blanket in his grip before he looked at Phil, asking a silent question. 

“I’ll watch him for now, yeah?” Ranboo said nothing, nodding again after a long minute of silence. 

As Ranboo made his way up the stairs, he wished that everything that had just happened was nothing but a nightmare. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Ranboo awoke in an unfamiliar room. He was confused for a moment, mind rippling and spinning before he remembered, in a jolt of memories that made him feel like his ribs were crushed under an anvil. 

It was something strange, coming back to his body with the slow trickle of information worming it's way back into his brain. The teen wished that he could dismiss everything as a bad dream, or something that he never needed to worry about, or something that he could brush under the carpet. 

This was Tubbo, though. Tubbo couldn’t be forgotten, couldn’t be shoved away like he was something old and dusty to put in a closet. Tubbo was kind and soft and hilarious and dangerous and everything that made his heart rate rise, whether it be from stress or excitement. Ranboo didn’t want to forget anything about Tubbo, even if it hurt him more than he could ever explain. 

He had laid in bed for a long hour after he had awoken, watching the light in the room shift as the sun slowly rose. The light through the curtains tinted the light on the floor slightly blue, the navy blue sheets blocking most of the light from his eyes. Ranboo was pretty sure his pupils were still pinpricks, slit like a cat’s eyes as they followed the line of illuminated light crawling up the ceiling. He felt so incredibly lethargic as he laid in bed, limbs feeling like they were weights on his body. 

Ranboo knew that Michael was downstairs. He knew that Michael was downstairs and he was with Phil and Techno. He was with Techno and Phil and he was safe, and maybe Techno hadn’t killed him and he knew that he should have felt more guilty and scared that Michael had come to harm but Ranboo trusted Phil and if he couldn’t trust Phil and Techno then there was nothing left for him anymore. Ranboo knew that they wouldn’t kill Michael. He was pretty sure that they wouldn’t do that to him. 

His eyes trailed over to the clock on the wall, watching the hands of the clock move slowly. It reminded him a bit of the clock that Dream seemed obsessed with when he had gone and visited him once. It felt like a million years ago, though he was pretty sure that it was only a few weeks. Tubbo was alive just a few days ago, time wasn’t really something that made sense anymore. 

Ranboo took in a deep shuddering breath, sitting up and staring listlessly at his hands. He needed something to do, he needed to… There were a lot of things to worry about, now that he was thinking. There wasn’t as much as an urgency to do them, but they niggled in the back of his mind until Ranboo dragged his eyes away from his hands and looked up at the door. It was still closed, small mercy. 

He swung his feet over the edge of the bed, staring at them for a moment. His gaze moved like molasses, and he wished that he could speed up. Everything was so incredibly slow but too fast at the same time and he couldn’t figure out what happened other than Tubbo being dead. But Tubbo wasn’t his whole world so it shouldn’t be working like this, he shouldn’t be this attached to Tommy’s best friend but- 

But Tommy and Tubbo were both dead. And Ranboo only had Michael and Techno and Phil and this was the only thing that he had going for him. The only thing that he could cling onto in hopes of not sinking beneath the waves. 

He took in another shuddering breath, getting up and on his feet as he made his way to the door and opened it. It had been a long time since he had awoken now, and he could hear the familiar bustle of the two downstairs. It was a little quieter than usual, though, and Ranboo was pretty sure it was because of him. The teen had left the cape behind in his room, leaving him in nothing but a pair of sweats that Phil had left out for him when he had finished cleaning himself up. It was easy confirmation that Phil would take care of Michael. 

Ranboo felt horrible for dumping the toddler on him so soon after Tubbo made him promise he wouldn’t let Michael get hurt. It was like a stab in the heart he hadn’t recognized until he was already dripping blood. 

As he slowly made his way down the stairs, he heard the quiet conversation come to a close. Ranboo would have cringed if it weren’t for his want to see Michael, alive and well. Alive as a Zombified Piglin could be, anyway. Ranboo ignored Techno’s gaze locking on him, as well as ignoring Phil’s quiet mumble that he tuned out of his ears. The teen stumbled over to the couch where he had left Michael the night before, as though he would be there again. 

He frowned when he found nothing, making a confused noise in the back of his throat that sounded close to an Enderman’s. Ranboo was greeted with a hesitant hand falling on his shoulder, turning back to see Phil standing there, holding Michael in his other arm. The toddler was awake, clearly more energetic than the night before. Ranboo took him wordlessly, ignoring Phil again as he lifted him up from under the armpits, resting him against his chest as he took a seat on the couch. 

Ranboo was pretty sure Techno wanted an explanation. He was also pretty sure that Phil wanted some as well. He was pretty sure that there was a lot the two wanted from him that he wouldn’t be able to give simply because of the bone-deep exhaustion the engulfed him despite his dreamless sleep the night before. 

“I assume you both have… Questions,” Ranboo said, speaking up after a long few minutes of silence. He didn’t look away from Michael, who was sitting in his lap now. The toddler snuffled and snorted a bit as he did, the piglin pawing at his hands with fingers that had black nails on the tips of them, matte and nearly unbreaking. The teen’s heart clenched a bit at the movement, though it never made him feel so strongly before. 

Maybe Tubbo dying was what had made him want to finally open up. But he felt like nothing and everything all at once and every touch was too much for him and he never wanted to spend another moment without the teen again. That wasn’t really an option anymore, though. So he steeled himself for the conversation that he knew he couldn’t put off. 

“A few,” Techno answered, his voice dully monotone and holding emotions he couldn’t quite distinguish. “Why don’t you start from the start? ‘Cause, this was just. Very sudden, for us.” 

Ranboo barked out a bitter laugh, not tearing his eyes away from Michael as the little toddler looked up at him at the sound. Michael laughed back at him the way he did when Tubbo and Ranboo would goad him on with the little jokes they knew he couldn’t understand. Michael was smart, but he was still a Piglin hybrid and was in the process of learning English. 

The teen took in a shuddering breath, his fingers working their way through the tuft of hair on his head. Ranboo was pretty sure that his face would soften into human features the older he grew, though the hair on his head was still albino white. His hands shook slightly as he wet his lips in preparation to even slightly explain what had happened. 

“...Me and Tubbo were friends. For a while. In L’manberg,” Ranboo started, his words crude. He didn’t care to see their reactions, letting Michael climb up onto his chest and hug him around his neck. The teen wrapped his arms around him in return, bringing up his legs to support the heels that scrabbled at the front of his shirt. 

“We had been. It’s weird, I think. Because Tubbo was in charge of L’manberg when I met him, but he was still someone who took the time to, like, check on us. On me, and I returned the favour when Tommy was exiled.” Ranboo could easily remember ushering the teen away to bed countless times when he had fallen asleep in the negotiation room he had made with Dream, the Blackstone walls becoming a norm for him to watch. 

“After the whole Doomsday thing, the betrayal, the whatever, I was pretty sure he still hated me. I was pretty sure he… he wanted me dead, at that point. I didn’t… I dunno. Everything in L’manberg was bad, but I don’t think the people meant to be bad.” Techno took in a breath as if to speak before he was cut off. Ranboo assumed it was by Phil, and Michael’s warmth against him made him ignore it completely. 

“We… I think we made a good thing, eventually. We sort of fixed it, I think. We were… we were friends, for a while. He made Snowchester, he told me it was because he wanted to rest and I was fine with it because it was just Tubbo, and he was- He was like harmless, I guess. He was just Tubbo.” His voice broke a bit at the last word, though he tried to hide it for Michael’s sake. The little hybrid had seen him cry once and he started crying in unison with him. It made him feel so bad that he had ended up trying to only look happy for the Piglin, even if it were something unhealthy. 

“We- We had a lot of plans, I think. A few of them were silly and like, throwaway things. Tubbo wanted to travel the world with me, at one point. That was something that I… I think that was something that I hadn’t accounted for. And he hadn’t either, and I think it was the first time I found someone I wanted to spend my life with. Even if it were just as friends.” Ranboo took in a shaky breath, opening his eyes to get a bleary view of Michael, who was sucking on his thumb as he looked up at Ranboo with wide eyes. 

It was nice to see the little hybrid enjoying himself. 

“He brought up getting married,” Ranboo said easily, not finding it to be much of a problem. Techno seemed to find it one, bursting out with what seemed like words he had been holding back for a long time. 

“You  _ married  _ him?” He asked, his voice a low hiss despite Phil’s scolding tone under his angry words. Ranboo didn’t take offence, staring at Michael as he let his chin rest on top of his head gently. 

“Yeah. I don’t regret it,” Ranboo answered simply. Techno huffed, taken aback a bit by the teen’s words before Ranboo continued as though he hadn’t been interrupted. 

“He had these, um. Weapons. Against Dream, because he made Snowchester when Dream was still out and about. And he tested one of them and he got really, really sick from them. Like, radiation poisoning, I think it was. And we… we didn’t catch it until it was too late, and he just… Yeah.” 

Ranboo finished his little soliloquy up with a small word, not sure how else to send it off. How was someone supposed, to sum up, someone’s life story in the first place? How was he the one responsible for the communication of Tubbo’s life and what he believed in and how he lived to the two people who probably hated him almost as much as Dream? 

It was unfair, really. It was unfair, and Ranboo’s eyes blurred with tears as someone kneeled in front of him. A hand took his carefully, leaving one arm wrapped around Michael in his lap. The little toddler still seemed mostly oblivious, though he was growing a bit louder as well. Ranboo blinked up at him before he shook his head a bit, not wanting to speak. 

“And Michael?” Phil asked, as though he hadn’t been tormented enough through this conversation. The little toddler looked up at the mention of his name, cooing a bit with his hand shoved in his mouth as Ranboo laughed wetly at the action. 

“We found ‘im. In the Nether,” Ranboo clarified, voice shaky. “My first day on the server, and we tried to keep him safe for a couple months there before he brought him to the Overworld on Valentine’s.” Phil nodded in response, Michael shaking his head as he tugged at Ranboo’s shirt with vigour before speaking up past the usual mumbles. 

“Bee,” Michael said, the word rolling off his tongue as though he had said it constantly. Ranboo felt like his heart was being torn out of his chest and he had to choke back a sob before he nodded. He sniffed, tears making their way out of his eyes anyway and burning his cheeks as he curled around the little toddler. 

“Yeah, Michael. Bee. Bee, our Bee. He’s… Yeah, Michael.” Ranboo repeated the words again with him, ignoring Phil and Techno and everything around him as he closed his eyes and let himself cry silently into the toddler’s head. 

It was hard to explain just how much he hated what had become of him. He hated everything about him and Tubbo wasn’t even around to tell him that he was wrong anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably gonna be like the techno fic w how i update it ngl. cannot wait to make up the lore for this as i go along lol
> 
> hope u enjoyed, i feel like it was kind of abrupt but i needed the little bit of ranboo stuff before i got into diff povs and the stuff i want to get into 
> 
> hope u enjoyed, tell me what u think <3

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed? u can blame orpheus saki for this lol she was the one who inspoed me to do this even tho she called me evil for it 
> 
> sorry again readers this is another angsty one 
> 
> i enjoyed writing it also i hope u enjoyed reading it. any ideas for future chapters u would rlly like to see? lmk! <3


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